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Wisch Lists are for New Year’s

Today’s Wisch List column from the Kankakee Daily Journal

Wisch Lists are for New Year’s

The WISCH LIST

Jan. 2, 2010

Wish Lists are for Christmas. But Wisch Lists? Well, they’re for New Year’s.

And with 2010 now upon us – I hope you had fun ringing it in, by the way — I’m sharing mine with you as we embark on this brand new year.

And brand new decade.

Speaking of which, never mind those who say that since there was no Year Zero (we know, we know …) the new decade doesn’t actually begin until 2011.

Trust me, it begins now.

And so begins my Wisch List for 2010 …

I Wisch that at some point we had managed to come up with an appropriate name for the past decade. After all, we had 10 years.

I Wisch, though, that I knew what that name should have been. “The ’Aughts,” for example, might have worked just fine for folks back in Nineteen-aught-eight. Not so much for us today.

I Wisch there were 28 hours in a day. I could get so much more accomplished – and so much more sleep – if noon was at 14 o’clock, rather than at 12.

I Wisch Michael Jordan still played basketball on Christmas Day.

I Wisch the Blue-Gray Football Classic was still held on Christmas Day.

And I Wisch I’d stop griping about sports on Christmas Day.

I Wisch that “Avatar” had been about 45 minutes shorter. Maybe 60. And I really Wisch that the precious mineral in the visually-dazzling, dialogue-challenged flick hadn’t been called Unobtainium. (C’mon, James Cameron, seriously?)

I Wisch that Ron Zook could serve as the University of Florida’s interim head coach during Urban Meyer’s leave of absence … rather than serving as the University of Illinois’ interim head coach instead.

I Wisch I was more interested in hockey. Because, right now for Chicago, the Blackhawks are the only game in town.

I Wisch the Bears would have played all season like they did on Monday night vs. the Vikings. Then there would be another game in town. For another week, at least.

I Wisch that every time Jay Cutler throws an interception, he throws four touchdowns as well.

I Wisch I could explain how it’s come to pass that, for 2010, I know a contestant on “The Bachelor” (Caitlyn from Chicago), a contestant on “Celebrity Apprentice” (Maria Kanellis of the WWE, originally from Ottawa, Ill.) and someone who might end up as a contestant on “The Bachelorette.”

I Wisch I could befriend someone from “Jersey Shore.” Then I’d pretty much have the entire Reality TV spectrum covered for 2010.

I Wisch you’d realize I’m kidding about that.

I Wisch the Ricketts family would just leave the Cubs’ spring training location in Arizona well enough alone.

I Wisch I was in Arizona.

I Wisch we had the Chicago Olympics to look forward to in 2016 instead of merely the 108th anniversary of the Chicago Cubs’ championship drought.

I Wish it hadn’t taken the Cubs until New Year’s Eve to realize that their hot stove wasn’t even turned on.

I Wisch I knew what conspiracy theory Milton Bradley will brew up with his coffee in Seattle.

I Wisch airline travel felt as safe today as it did at 10 years ago.

I Wisch I thought that it was every going to feel that way again.

I Wisch Chief Illiniwek still performed in Champaign. Halftimes simply are not the same without him. In fact, they’re downright boring.

I Wisch Illinois basketball could win on a neutral court. (Perhaps today against Gonzaga?)

I Wisch I wasn’t at the point where all I wanted for Christmas was a new vacuum cleaner and a microwave. It was more exciting when I wanted, say, a Nintendo and Transformers.

I Wisch for my new car to experience a better winter this year than my old car did during last, when Chicago-area potholes devoured two of its tires.

I Wisch Mayor Daley read that one. And cared.

I Wisch that what I know now I knew when we started the last decade. And I also Wisch I knew what we’re going to call this new decade. The teens, after all, don’t even begin for three years, so how can we call it that? This whole new century stuff is just too confusing.

I Wisch it was 2020 so things can just be simple again.

  • Kathy Novotney

    Wow, I totally know that I’ve joined the ranks of the real world when I too, wanted only a microwave for Christmas. I also know someone on the upcoming bachelor, but that doesn’t make me old… 🙂