Today’s Wisch List column from the Kankakee Daily Journal …

The City of Cold Shoulders’ winter tales

The WISCH LIST

Dec. 26, 2009

I spent last weekend in Atlanta, where the weather was about as warm as, well, Chicago (the natives were restless). Although, it was nowhere near as bad as in Washington, D.C., where the city’s record-setting snowstorm wreaked havoc on holiday travel.

And travelers.

While at Atlanta’s Hartsfield International late Sunday, a man told me how a woman he flew with earlier in the day was informed by the airline that they had to postpone her flight to D.C.

Until Christmas.

This was on Dec. 20.

I have no idea if that poor lady ever reached her destination – a dog sled sounded like a better option – but, regardless, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to hear Bing Crosby belt out “White Christmas” any time soon.

In honor of, this, the first full week of winter, I thought I’d share with you a few of the wintertime “war” stories that Chicagoans have written me about during my time in the city.

So, sit back, grab some hot chocolate and enjoy three frosty tales straight from the City of Cold Shoulders …

A Wind Most Wicked

“I worked at the IBM Building (330 N. Wabash) in the 1970s,” writes Chicagoan S.C. Argento. “When the weather got bad, the building would put up ‘life ropes’ at each corner of the building. This was to help anyone who walked over the Chicago River Bridge, as they could grasp a line and ‘pull’ themselves in.

“Known as the windiest place in Chicago, it became even windier when the river froze and the wind, falling off buildings, would come down the river and accelerate. There was also a `lifeguard’ posted at the southern corner of the building whose job was to rescue anyone that could not pull themselves into the building. I saw an elderly lady blown down, and she was carrying along until the lifeguard got her and dragged her in.

“You calculate the wind chill of a negative-10-degree day with 65 mph winds, and that’s cold. This was the day I decided to pursue opportunities away from One IBM Plaza.”

The Joys of Transit

“One bitterly cold winter day about 10 years ago, I waited in vain for my bus,” Chicagoan Irma F. Gibbons writes. “Since it was only about a half mile to the train, I started walking. I stepped off a curb right through some ice into a very cold puddle of water, which soaked through my boot. I continued my squishy trek to the Blue Line. At our first stop, the sliding doors on the train car became stuck open.

“The conductor had to stand by them, so none of us would fall out. And he assigned a passenger to look out the little window and let the engineer know when the platform was clear of passengers. The car was crowded and cold, but everybody seemed to take it with good humor. My foot was even more frozen than when I first got it wet due to the wind from the open door blowing on it.

“I finally arrived at my destination and caught my last bus. Upon debarking, I slipped on the wet steps and slid down them into a large snowbank! Of course, I was late to work and I referred to this adventure as my ‘Ride From Hell.’ ”

School Daze

“I remember the winter of 1981-82,” writes Chicagoan Gabriel Garcia. “It was bitterly cold, especially the month of January. Everyone was having problems starting their cars, and the CTA was really having problems keeping the bus lines in operation. In fact, Mayor (Jane) Byrne had ordered that the buses be kept fueled with engines running all weekend to avoid not having them start for the Monday morning rush.

“I was a freshman at St. Rita High School, and the announcement came over the radio that all Chicago Public Schools were closed due to the weather. It was announced that most area Catholic grade and high schools were recommended to be closed. Needless to say, I was shocked when it was stated on the radio, and confirmed by the school, that St. Rita High was open for a regular schedule.

“Mom insisted that, if the school was open, I must attend classes. After some arguing, I bundled up and walked out the door to the bus stop. Normally, I would have had to take two separate buses to get to school, but the first bus was more than 30 minutes behind its usual time, so I decided to walk to the next bus line more than a mile away.

“I waited at the bus stop for another 45 minutes with the air temperature hovering around 18 below. I was miserable and angry that I had to be outside in that weather while my siblings were home because their grade school was closed. I finally made it to school around an hour and a half late. I was given a detention for arriving late to school. We didn’t learn anything new due to the fact that around 90 percent of the student body and 60 percent of the faculty staff were absent.

“I moved out of my parents’ home at age 18.”

Today’s Wisch List column from the Kankakee Daily Journal …

Order your holidays Chicago-style

The WISCH LIST

Dec. 19, 2009

I’m not sure if we should send a gift card to Father Time, St. Nick or Baby New Year, but with the way the calendar falls this month, there’s more reason than usual to cheer the holidays.

Christmas and New Year’s conveniently fall on Fridays, setting up a pair of long weekends just perfect for taking a daytrip and making merry in Chicago.

Here are a few of my suggestions on ways to enjoy the holidays, Windy City-style. And, as an early gift, you don’t even have to wait until next week to start:

Skate ‘The Rink at Wrigley’

If it hadn’t already been frozen by the minus-three-degree wind chill, the irony would have been dripping right off the sign posted outside “The Rink at Wrigley” on Tuesday night.

“Due to the recent warm weather,” the placard read, “the ice rink opening has been postponed until Friday, December 19th. We apologize for any inconvenience.”

Better than apologizing for frost-bitten ears, I suppose.

Wrigleyville’s newest attraction – originally scheduled to open Tuesday – is a full-size skating rink located in the parking outside the ballpark along Clark Street. Inspired by the popularity of the Blackhawks’ Winter Classic game last January, the rink would be even better if it was located inside Wrigley.

Nevertheless, it’s a fun new attraction and the rink’s grand opening is at 11 a.m. Sunday. Through February, the rink will be open Sunday through Thursday until 10 p.m., and on Fridays and Saturdays until 11 p.m. Regular admission is $10 per adult and $6 per child. Skate rentals cost extra.

The Cubs were looking to Milton Bradley’s contract somehow, you know.

Have a Tom & Jerry at Miller’s Pub

Since 1935, Miller’s Pub (134 S. Wabash Ave.) has been an institution in Chicago’s Loop. Frequented by tourists, city folk and celebrities, the restaurant is best known for its BBQ Canadian baby back ribs but, during December, it’s also known for its signature holiday drink: The Tom & Jerry.

A mix of rum, brandy, egg whites, sugar and vanilla served in a coffee mug with a stick of cinnamon, the Tom & Jerry is a unique concoction. I can’t guarantee that it will become your favorite Yuletide drink, but it’s worth a try.

After all, eggnog gets old after a while, right?

Visit Macy’s on State Street

It was better when it was still Marshall Field’s, but a stroll past the animated holiday windows outside Macy’s (111 N. State St.) remains a State Street tradition.

Your kids will love it and they’ll also enjoy getting a photo taken with Santa Claus in Macy’s SantaLand, where the jolly old elf has greeted both the Windy City’s naughty and the nice every winter since 1948.

While at Macy’s, also make time to visit the Walnut Room, where you can dine beside – or simply ogle at – the Great Tree, which stands 45 feet tall and boasts 10,000 sparkling lights and 1,200 ornaments.

Sing Along at the Music Box

On most nights, the historic Music Box Theatre (3733 N. Southport Ave.) on Chicago’s North Side has independent and foreign films flickering on its enormous main screen.

But, for the past 26 years, the theater – which opened in 1929 – has spent five days in December showing a pair of vintage holiday movies an having Santa Claus, himself, lead the audience in Christmas caroling during the intermission.

This year, the Music Box Christmas Show – which runs nightly through Christmas Eve – features “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “White Christmas.” Tickets are $11 for a single feature and $16 for the double feature. For more information, visit www.musicboxtheatre.com.

On a side note, the Music Box is located just a few blocks west of The Rink at Wrigley, meaning you could visit both for a double feature of a different sort.

Ring in 2010 early at Navy Pier

You can go anywhere and celebrate New Year’s when the clock strikes midnight. But, on Dec. 31, only at Navy Pier can you can ring in 2010 at … 8:15 p.m.?

For those kids (and parents?) who perhaps can’t stay awake until midnight, Navy Pier’s Winter WonderFest offers a chance to play, dance and celebrate with interactive shows leading up to a New Year’s countdown held at 8:15.

For those night owls, Navy Pier also puts on a fireworks and music show at midnight to welcome 2010 in style.

Catch some hoops at the UC

The Chicago Bulls might stink, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any good basketball at the United Center this holiday season.

At noon on Saturday, Jan. 2, the University of Illinois takes on nationally-ranked Gonzaga in what should be an entertaining tilt at the House That Michael Jordan Built. You can visit www.ticketmaster.com for more information and if you do attend the game, you should keep an eye out for me.

I’ll be the guy dressed in orange.

Today’s Wisch List column from the Kankakee Daily Journal …

The Pros and Conference of Notre Dame

The WISCH LIST

Dec. 12, 2009

I’m not Catholic, but I do have a confession to make.

Once upon a time (in a galaxy far, far away), I counted myself among this country’s legions of die-hard Notre Dame football fans.

This was back during high school in the early 1990s before I enrolled at the University of Illinois and purified myself as an orange-and-blueblood. Back when Notre Dame still competed for national championships instead of merely giving Navy competition. And back when Notre Dame actually won bowl games (like last season) rather than lose them (nine straight times from 1994 to 2006).

Or simply turn them down.

Back when Notre Dame was still, you know, Notre Dame.

It isn’t these days, if you haven’t noticed.

(But, I’m guessing you’ve noticed.)

This week, Notre Dame hired Cincinnati’s Brian Kelly as its new football coach, replacing the beleaguered Charlie Weis, who replaced the beleaguered Tyrone Willingham, who replaced the beleaguered Bob Davie. In an all-too-forgettable 13-season stretch, that trio combined for a record of 91-67, which might be just peachy if you’re Gerry Faust.

At Akron.

But, for Notre Dame, such run-of-the-mill records don’t do much for waking up the echoes, which seem awfully drowsy these days. So, for the Fighting Irish – who haven’t won a national title since 1988 and haven’t even competed for one since ’93 – it’s on to the next (hopefully) great coach.

However, the thing is, the name of the new coach attached to Notre Dame isn’t nearly as relevant as the name that’s not.

Namely, that would be: “Big Ten Conference member.”

In the face of all modern reason – except, of course, the almighty NBC TV dollars – Notre Dame football continues to retain its haughty independence from any conference. And it’s flat-out folly.

Just this week, during an interview with the New York Times, Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick insisted that it remains a “priority” in South Bend to retain the university’s long-held independence. It’s a status that Notre Dame currently shares with only Army and Navy, which is great if the Fighting Irish want to start defending the country.

Although that would require them to first learn how to play defense.

“It’s not about wanting to stand alone,” Swarbrick explained. “It’s about who we are and the history of the place. So maintaining that is very important.”

To which I’d argue that history also says that Notre Dame is a champion. But history isn’t always right. And viewing things from a modern-day prism, rather than one that’s fogged with Knute and nostalgia, I’m of the belief that Notre Dame never again will run with college football’s thoroughbreds until it gets off its high horse.

And joins the Big Ten.

In 1999, Notre Dame came the closest it ever has to adopting conference affiliation, before ultimately snubbing the Big Ten. At that time, then-Notre Dame president Rev. Edward Malloy explained the rationale behind the decision by saying,

“Just as the Universities of Michigan or Wisconsin or Illinois have core identities as the flagship institutions of their states, so Notre Dame has a core identity. And at that core are these characteristics – Catholic, private, independent.”

As a Christian, a former Dean’s List member and a college football fan myself, I sincerely admire Notre Dame’s lofty religious, academic and pigskin ideals. But, I’m also a realist. And the fact is, Notre Dame cannot maintain its academic standards, be a Top 5 football program and remain an independent.

It might be able to do two of those things, but it cannot do all three. And for the Irish, academic and football excellence should trump independence (besides, there’s plenty of TV money to be made within a conference).

As Sports Illustrated senior writer Frank Deford noted this week, “the problem with Notre Dame is that for such a fine academic institution, it’s amazing that it hasn’t wised up to how much the football landscape has changed.

“It’s been decades since Notre Dame became America’s only national college team, back in the day when professional football was not popular and few Americans went to college.”

Yet, the Irish still continue to view themselves that way. And while Notre Dame games may indeed be everywhere thanks to its NBC contract (which currently runs through 2015), unless the Irish are competing for a national championship, without a conference, those games simply don’t mean as much as other schools’.

“So long as [Notre Dame] remains the only independent of any consequence, the current team’s only real rival is the past,” Deford astutely observed. “And it can’t possibly win against that glorious past. No matter who the coach is.”

Since the formation of Division I-A in 1978, 57 schools with football have held independent status at one time or another although three of them – Cal-State Fullerton, Cal-State Long Beach and Wichita State – eventually dropped the sport altogether.

If Notre Dame isn’t careful, people are going to start saying that the Irish have done the same.

The game has changed, Notre Dame. It’s time to start playing it.

In a conference.

Today’s Wisch List column from the Kankakee Daily Journal …

A Movember to Remember

The WISCH LIST

Dec. 5, 2009

Last year for Halloween, a trio of co-workers and I dressed up as Bill Swerski’s Superfans from the old Saturday Night Live skit (you know, “Da Bears, Da Bulls, Polish sassidge …”) and won “Best Costumes” at our company party.

To transform ourselves into disciples of Ditka, we donned Chicago Bears regalia, sunglasses and, of course, fake mustaches. Although, for the past five weeks this year I haven’t needed a fake anything to look like Da Coach.

My own mustache has worked just fine.

For myself and scores of other newly mustachioed men throughout Chicago, it’s been a Movember to Remember.

All because our razors have been forgotten.

You might recall that on Nov. 7 I let you know through this column that myself and 15 teammates had decided to take part in Movember, a six-year-old charity event where men begin November clean-shaven, but then make like Magnum, P.I., and spend a month growing a mustache to raise funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate and testicular cancers.

The idea for Movember was sparked in 2003 when a group of friends in Melbourne, Australia, decided to grow Mo’s (Australian slang for mustache) and then use their new looks to raise donations and help stereotypically reticent men start talking about prostate caner, which affects 1 in 6 males during their lifetimes.

To date, the Movember Foundation – which launched its movement in the U.S. in 2007 – has raised more than $47 million globally, making it the world’s largest charity event for men. This year, for the first time, Movember donations are split between the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the Lance Armstrong Foundation, whose namesake famously battled testicular cancer, the most commonly diagnosed cancer for 18- to 35-year-olds.

For such a worthy cause, I was happy to put my own whiskers to work. But before growing out my first “Mo,” I first sought out the wisdom of two friends who have had mustaches for nearly as long as I’ve been alive (33 years).

One was my co-worker and Movember teammate Randy, who grew out his mustache in August 1976 to start his freshman year of college at the University of Illinois.

“Everyone was growing mustaches then,” Randy explained. “You were out of the house and it was a rite of passage. But, unlike a beard, you figured you could go home for Thanksgiving with a mustache and your Mom would still do your laundry.”

Since ’76, Randy had never shaved off his mustache – until the start of Movmber. His wife had never even seen him without one. Although, if you ask Randy, why would she had ever wanted to?

“Women, a lotta women,” Randy said with a smirk when I asked about the biggest perk of having a mustache. “They just flock to you.”

I next touched base with my friend Dan, who’s had his mustache in some form for nearly three decades and told me, “I first grew a mustache almost as soon as I could — when I was 16. I grew it to show I could grow one, that I was no longer a kid, but a ‘man.’ And I also believed a mustache looked good on most men, forming a triangle with the eyebrows. Symmetry, you know.

“A third reason for growing it was, around that time, PBS ran shows done by early TV pioneer Ernie Kovacs. I believed Kovacs – who had a ‘Magic Marker’ mustache – looked sharp, so I emulated him.”

I’m not sure who I emulated with my mustache this month. But most people have said I look like a cop.

Officer Wisch, at your service.

With all the chuckles it’s induced, Movember is, without a doubt, about charity, not vanity. And while our Movember team lost a few men along the way, the Merry Band of Mustache-Makers who did survive the entire month had generated nearly $2,500 in donations heading into Chicago’s official Movember Gala Party on Friday night.

That event capped off Movember, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still contribute to the cause. To do so, simply visit www.movember.com, search for “Dave Wischnowsky” and make a donation.

I know, for certain, that my friend Jeremy Januski, of Aroma Park, would appreciate it.

Last Saturday, while back home for Thanksgiving, I met with him to discuss how five years ago he was rushed to the ER with lower abdominal pain so severe that he could barely move. At just the age of 19, Januski was diagnosed with non-semanomus testicular cancer, which required surgery, followed by several weeks of chemotherapy. Now 24 and cancer-free, Januski urged men to conduct self-checks for testicular cancer.

“It’s one of the most curable cancers, if it’s caught early enough,” Januski said. “Guys just don’t think to check, but they should.”

A supporter of Movember movement, I asked Januski if he might grow out his own Mo next fall.

“I think my girlfriend would be a little upset with me,” he said with a laugh.

Bah. Who doesn’t love a man with a mustache? And now that Movember is over, I’m not quite sure what to do with myself.

Anyone up for growing a Decembeard?

Everything in life can be applied to “Seinfeld.” And everything in “Seinfeld” can be applied to George Costanza, who’s timeless wisdom has been nicely compiled right here.